your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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