Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
