hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
