Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
