Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
