If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
