I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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