Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
