I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
