Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
