halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
