Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
