I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
