And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
40s are totally the cure
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
