He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
