Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
