I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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