I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
