I wanna bring you to show and tell
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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