ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
