Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
