I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i think my mom watched the whole time
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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