somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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