I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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