How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize