Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
