Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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