i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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