if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
