I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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