feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
