Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
