he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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