I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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