is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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