saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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