'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
