i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
