I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
