I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
