so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
