I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
