I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
