I'm jealous of your bromance
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
