I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
