mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
