i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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