Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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