look no pants
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
