i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
