I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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