don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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