so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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