I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
