she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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