butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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