sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Operation Purity has been aborted
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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