it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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