I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize