So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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