He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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