Yo dont text me then not text me
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
