he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
the condom got lost in my hair
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
