I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
operation have a gay friend backfired
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize