once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
