take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
