I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
