haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i drank out of a bidet.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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