You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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