I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
